礼物！

the weekend is finally here and it’s soon gonna be over.

remember i said i was gonna start counting my blessings? lemme do so now. =)

Friday – the concert was a success and sold out, though it was largely not my effort at all. =)

Blessing number 1: had a good time with some ex-students and got to know some of the girls from my home class better… everything ended at around 11 plus…

Blessing number 2: even though i worked from 6.45am to 11pm, i was not really tired, because…. the weekend is here and i can finally spend some quiet time with ben ben. =) both of us promised each other to spend the weekend just indulging in each other’s company.

Blessing number 3: my prayers worked! benben recovered from his flu by the time he met me. the poor boy left for home halfway in school. the power of prayers!

Blessing number 4: it was a great night, every minute of it from the moment we met. we had yummy durians, he bought me starbucks coffee… and .. and… look!

A sweet surprise the moment i opened the car boot. =)

it made my night. *grinz*

we had an early night, because i realized i was really tired. -_-

Saturday

Blessing number 1: his tuition was cancelled! it meant that we could sleep through the entire day RIGHT AFTER breakfast! was being very grumpy after having waited long for him to buy breakfast while i waited in the car… but..

Blessing number 2: he did not scold me. =)

Blessing number 3: After i woke up from an afternoon nap… the door bell rang and i saw this!

I’m not a very flower person… but i was in a mild state of shock because.. i have never received such a big bouquet before. Benben said it’s called… “My Royal Love”. Wahaha. i’m his queen! whee!

now the two presents lie in my room…

i’m no longer grumpy, for you’re my constant blessing.

random

Spoke with Teck not too long ago. He mentioned, on more than one occasion, that i’ve become a different person ever since i started work. Different in a negative sense – i’ve become boring and unhappy, not at all cheerful anymore. I guess at the back of it all, he is trying to say that i’m no longer an enjoyable company to have.

i thought about what he said – because deep down inside of me, i do sense this change as well. Embarking on a working life meant that i’ve less time to meet friends… in fact, i seldom do so, because i usually cannot make it on weekdays, and friends of mine usually spend weekends with their other halves.

I miss candy. i miss elaine. i miss the 6somes.

Seeing desmond yesterday during convocation made me miss the 6some’s company so much. When he said “let’s meet up soon please.”, i replied, “of course we must!”. However, both of us know that it’s tough. and the ’soon’ will never come anytime soon.

I guess a change in lifestyle may be a main cause – that i’ve withdrawn into my own world, and not having my close friends around me most of the times. As a result, there is a tremendous reduction in interaction with the outside world, with the fun people. I no longer laugh or talk as much.

i thought of putting up photos of all my dearest friends at my desk to cheer myself up, but i think it will make me miss them more. =) i was trying to look for photos and i realized that i’m no longer interested in taking photos of myself or others anymore. it’s partly due to the fact that i am trying to deny my fake and tired smiles. The photos i’ve found are all backdated. =(  nevertheless, i shall put them up =)

last night, i’ve come to a resolution. i shall have 2 main goals in my life right now – to lose weight and to find back my happy self!

to lose weight – i have to find time to go to the gym! however, life’s been hectic on weekdays. by the time i end work, the gym would be closed. i guess this’s not a good excuse.. i shall jog on the days i cant go gym! okies, this plan shall start two weeks later!

to be happier, i’ve decided to count my blessings everyday, starting from today.

1) the weather was good this morning.

2) my home class was a little more well behaved than usual.

3) my home class commented that i’m pretty today. HAHA.

the list shall go on after tonight. my day ends after 11pm =(

stretch and breathe…

it’s been almost three weeks into the actual job. so many things are taking place at such a rapid speed… so much so that every night as i lie on my bed, i feel as if i’m involved in a catching game with sleep… i need to catch up… i need to catch up….

recently, whenever i’m informed of a new duty or responsibility, my heart feels like an inflated balloon.. a balloon being pumped till the verge of bursting… sometimes i wonder if my heart will fail me soon… because i find it hard to breath… it feels as if i am an odd job laborer in charge of carrying rice sacks… as i stood at the end of the lorry, people just keep piling sacks after sacks of rice on my shoulders.. my knees are giving way… my heart is pumping at its max… yet i cant surrender… i cant rely on others… i know i have to depend on myself.

probably due to lack of rest and stress, my memory is getting from bad to worse.. and i feel really disgusted with myself.

a conversation last night…

“i’m living a day by a day.”

“you should have a goal in life and you’ll be more motivated and happier. Do you have a goal?”

“nope.”

“your goal will be to get married lor.”

“HAHA. that makes me sound pathetic.”

no matter how domesticated i can be or wanna be, getting married will not be my goal in life.

My goal now is to know what i want out of life.