TGIF

Had a very bad day in school yesterday – ended the day feeling incompetent and disrespected. I guess it’s all about expectations – both of the students and of myself.

as i delved deeper into these negative emotions after having a good talk with ben, i came to the conclusion that ben is right – they are kids after all. We may spend hours preparing materials and lesson plans – but to them, it’s just a mundane 1.5 hour of their school life. Sms-ed one of my students in the class, who happened to be my ex tuition kid, to ask her for feedback on my teaching. She explained that the class was in the wrong mode because of accumulated unhappiness over their own performance and other subjects, not because of me. Regardless whether it’s true, i am grateful for that encouragement.

Ben said something which was rather resounding – as long as in the class, there is one student who is willing to listen and learn, we shall continue to teach and enter the class with a smile.

I took a while to digest what he said, and it dawned on me that it coincides with the Daily Strength i’d read earlier on in the day.

“We are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10

I knew at once that He was speaking to me. The term “good works” – it’s a lot more than going to church every Sunday. It was mentioned that ‘good works are actions that reflect God’s mercy, grace, compassion, and righteousness. It’s the action of loving others, even when they aren’t all that loveable; forgiving; reaching out to the poor and disadvantaged; caring for the lost and the losers; being patient and tolerant with the faults and failures of others; serving the needs of others without clamoring for applause; providing the fruits of righteousness for those around us to be blessed by’.

Aren’t all these what lead me to this career choice? He has already prepared me for this journey. But amidst the stress and lethargy during the process, i began to lose sight of my original intentions, focusing on the wrong things, leading to unnecessary brooding of unhappiness and pressure.

I asked myself – what is the change in me, before and after i drew close to God? By right, what i am and what is happening in my life now ought to be a reflection of the good works that God has so generously showered on me. As quoted , ‘In fact, His good works in our lives are like a workout seminar on how to treat and respond to others.’

I began to count my blessings after since i drew close to Him.

1) Finding the one i want to spend my life with, after taking so many wrong turns in life. One who gives unconditionally – my best friend, my confidant, my soulmate, my husband to be, the father of my children in years to come. One who loves graciously, patiently and steadfastly, like meandering river.  One who cares from his heart and accepts me as a whole person, seeing potential in my areas of weakness, admiring me for the most crazy reasons one could ever think of. This love i’ve found makes me blush with bliss whenever i reminisce the journey we’ve embarked ever since.

2) Ben and family

God is working miracles in our relationship – we’re finally seeing light at the end of the tunnel. Things are getting better, signs of acceptance are detected, slowly but definitely. We believe He will continue to perform His good works on us.

3) Work and finance

I thank Him, for putting a full stop to the days when i have to take up part time jobs to make ends meet. I’ve no problem financing my expenditure, without scrimping and saving. In addition, ben and i have done our sums for our wedding – we will be able to save the required amount by next year. Ben assured me not to worry – for He will provide for us, and i truly believe so.

4) Learning about contentment

I’m contented with everything in my life right now. I’ve learnt to counting my blessings every single day.

I know that i’m happy and i’ll continue to be happy, if not happier =)

everyday is a dreadful day…

i am pondering over whether i’ve made the right career choice, but at the same time, i’m also wondering if there is any room for regrets.

everyday is a dreadful day – from the part of waking up, to lesson preparation, lesson observations, right up to staying up late every single night, rushing lesson plans and doing up ppt slides. From day one of practicum, i have not slept more than 4 hours every day.

everyday is a dreadful day – if not for the fact that meeting him is my sole motivation. to see him wait at the porch the moment i sign out is the only moment my heart gets lifted and i feel much lighter.

our daily conversations have degraded to discussions on lesson plans, materials to use and other classroom matters. i am definitely glad that i’ve someone who can share and empathize with what i am going through. if not for him, i wonder if i’d survive till today.

both of us were on mc today, as our health finally give way, probably due to irregular meals, stress and lack of sleep. made a point to just rest the first half of the day, but i couldnt sleep well cos half of my mind was on work – i have to finish 3 lesson plans by tonight, together with ppt slides and other materials. to make things worse, i have 2 classes tomorrow.

spent our day resting and browsing through bridal magazines brought us back to the times we were still in ni*e. looking back, i realized we have been rather slack as compared to now. how i wish time could just pass by, and we will be back to that smelly place. even if it’s smelly, with yucky food, i’d rather put up with the lessons there than to be teaching right now. at least, i would have him by my side no matter how bad things were. er tong, smelly sim, wait for me!

had a chat w him before he sent me home tonight. he mentioned the days back in school, on how we started out. it seems like donkey years ago… and i felt like i’ve known him for a lifetime.

it’s crazy i know, but i still tear sometimes when we have to part. that silly boy was loitering around my block, refusing to go home, although we have tons of work to be completed by tonight.

reflecting upon myself in this relationship, i realized that i’ve grown so much in terms of my personality and mentality – i clearly knows who and what i want in my life, and i am willing to face criticisms and stand up for my choice. i have close friends who think that my decision to marry him is too rash, and that i should observe him for a longer period of time. what i can say is – i will not regret this decision of mine, and i know that i will be the most blessed woman i’ve ever thought i’d be on the day we walk down the aisle.

he mentioned that things are ever changing in this world- people come and go, and we face changes every day. we’ve made a pact to be the only constant in each other’s life, from this moment on.

i hate sundays

i detest mondays

and i dislike tuesdays too because they feel about as bad as mondays.

wednesdays bring a small sigh of relief

because it means im halfway through the week.

thursdays suck cos its so near yet so far,

fridays are hopeful days of anticipation

and oh how i lovelovelove my saturdays.

saturdays are always perfect.

they’re lazy &, languid & full of possibilities.
like the saturdays i had the past few weeks.
one of the most perfect of perfect saturdays i’ve had
in a very long time.

i’m not sure when the next one will come along,
but i do not doubt that it will come again.

sadly, tonight is a sunday.
& i don’t quite like sundays very much at all.
because the next day is monday.

ridiculously blessed

had a lovely dinner at Ritz Carl*ton tonight.

Adoring and savoring every single moment you’re close to me.

You’re so beautiful, dear.

For you make me feel so ridiculously loved and blessed.

i tasted the oysters, salmon, tiramisu and chocolates.

but the taste of your love overpowers all.

enough is enough

I know that there are quite a number of concerned friends of mine, who may think that my decision to the engagement is made without serious consideration. although not many of them have access to this blog of mine, just want to assure everyone that i’m feeling genuinely happy and blessed to be with this fiance of mine. he is the most loving man one could ever be with. if anyone of you cares to know him on a deeper level, you will know what i mean.
i have faith in my relationship with him. Never in my life would i imagine myself to be blogging publicly about my love for someone. however, speculations of our engagement are getting out of hand and i am taking the step to speak up for him.

true friends will be those who believe in my ability to make accurate judgments and decisions. true friends will be those who are happy to know about this union, who even shed happy tears for me, knowing that i have found the right one after meeting so many wrong guys in my life. true friends are those who will come up to me and congratulate me, instead of gossiping behind my back.

my true friends, i know who you are. =)

greek masterpieces from the Louvre

a sense of nostalgia overwhelmed me as we stepped into the museum today. this was one of the first places where we dated… and the last visit here was 5 months ago. thanks to ben, for making the arrangement today.. for he always knew what i wanted =)

spent a leisurely afternoon admiring the pieces, walking through the galleries holding his hand… *this is bliss*

both of us like the museum as it provides us with a sense of tranquility. it’s a way for us to de-stress i guess. the museum was a tat too noisy and crowded today though. nevertheless, we had our own share of fun =)

it’s been half a year, and i still swoon at the thought of you =)

a restful weekend

i just had one of the most wonderful weekends ever.

lots to update but i shall keep it succinct.

- told my mother about ben’s proposal and our plans to hold our wedding at the end of next year. as expected, she found it rather ridiculous and said that it was too fast. HOWEVER, i was glad that i was honest with her. Thank god for answering our prayers, that she did not violently object but merely said that perhaps we should plan it on 2010 instead. i guess things will fall into place soon, and i am indeed very happy. at least, i have nothing to hide anymore! =)

The long weekend started with two new soft toys.

七仔 and cookie monster =) ben bought them for me on friday after school, at the airport where we lunched. the thing about being in this profession is that… we are indeed underpaid celebrities. to avoid sudden heart attacks from hearing your surname being shouted out in the middle of nowhere means that we’d have to find new places to date. =(

after taking an afternoon nap, we headed for our first midnight movie together. although the movie was rather lame, i enjoyed being just next to him, and not think about work. ever since practicum started, we hardly get to spend time together. and when we do, we talk about nothing but work. this weekend was special, as we promised each other it would be just about the two of us – no mention of lesson plans, teaching materials, powerpoint slides etc. I am thankful for that, as both of us feel really alive once again. went for supper after the show, and bought 2 bridal magazines for the weekend =)

saturday – check in. collected my holga camera! i love it love it love it! it was a great saturday, as we, or rather i, bought a few pieces of working clothes at VERY low prices. the entire day was spent indulging in each other’s company, with a nice dinner and lotsa photo taking =)

sunday – check out, went to the IT show, and i bought another camera for myself – Son*y cybershot. we were pretty amused at the smile detector function. it’s fun! i love my buys! he bought a laser printer, and an external hdd. boo.

i enjoyed every moment of this weekend. we’re now deciding on the theme of our wedding – we have a few ideas from the magazines and are in the midst of discussing them with his sis and parents. as for bridal studio, will be going down to several shops to check them out. time to shed some fats -_-”

Monday – back to reality as he has to go to school for remedial. it’s back to work once again. there is an assignment due this wed, yes, in the midst of our practicum. i drove his car home after dropping him at his school. Gonna pick him up soon, and we are going to the museum! whee!

i’m happy. and thanks to those who are happy to see that i am happy =)

anticipation

How bitter sweet is this feeling in me,

awaiting the arrival of the perfect weekend.

Just the two of us,

embracing every moment of togetherness.

It’s mid week and the weekend seems so near yet so far.

Now i truly understand,

how absence makes the heart grow fonder.

only you

Had a rather good rest last weekend…

We went to sushi t*l again… =) yummy! good food but bad service. -_-”

We played sparklers after meal… i esp like this shot cos it seems so symbolic. Our covenant… =)

it was a quiet evening spent together, just the both of us. on the way back to his place, we caught two snails making out! it was a pity that the flash from my camera sort of scared them and caused them to move apart… =( sorry snails, but you guys should have made out in a more secluded spot!

It’s monday again… and i had a bad day in school. sometimes, it’s just plain luck to meet such difficult people… throughout the day in school, i was holding back my tears, feeling ever so rejected and lost. in the midst of all these frustrations and ill feelings, i did my daily bread and came across this message for the day: “Do all things without complaining and disputing” (Phil. 2:14). The Spirit will empower us as we depend on Him (John 14:26).

Because God helps us, doing all things without complaining is not an impossible challenge.

“Lord, help me stop complaining
When things don’t go my way;
Instead, give me a thankful heart
For all You do each day.”

Benben came to pick me up from work for tuition in the evening and i just burst into tears the moment i saw him. Just wanna be pampered and coaxed…

After my tuition, we went for a quiet dinner at the airport. we got ourselves a good seat – just in front of the tv. hence, we simply chatted, watched cartoons and ate.

this was the view we had. =)

* i look so horrendously tired and haggard. sigh*

only you seem to be able to make things right and make me feel better all over again. i’m thankful for these short moments of togetherness despite our busy schedules.

*loves*

29th February 2008

a day which comes by once every 4 years

a day when i decided to fully commit to a man for a lifetime.

He knelt, and i melted.

I saw the slight tremble in his hands and lips, as he plucked up his courage to give his speech.

He stumbled on his words, and simply flashed his silly smile.

‘i’ve forgotten part of my speech,’ he mumbled.

Even though it was still dark, i could sense the heat on his face due to his blush.

His knees must have hurt and he was perspiring from his nervousness.

29th February, a day which comes by once every 4 years,

i said ‘i do’ to this man and made him mine.

I thank God for making this day special by bringing us together to make a covenant. I thank God for giving me precious gift of friendship – to have friends around me who gave us their blessings, to have friends who almost shed tears of happiness for me, and to have friends who respect/trust that this decision of mine is well-thought through.

This engagement of ours will be made known to our friends, and his family. We would prefer to take some time before we announce it to my side.

I give my hand to you with all my heart
Can’t wait to live my life with you, can’t wait to start
You and I will never be apart
My dreams came true because of you